


Cape Jasmine (I Love You In Secret)

by donbeavers



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Brief Matt Murdock/Bucky Barnes, First Date, Flowers, Love Letters, M/M, Misunderstandings, Office, Older Steve, Past Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Secret Admirer, Steve is Bucky's Boss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-17 13:00:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29593167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donbeavers/pseuds/donbeavers
Summary: Cape Jasmine: I love you in secret; I am too happy; you are lovely; a transfer of joy*The last thing Bucky Barnes expected at 26 whilst living his gay and very single life was to find a bouquet of flowers on his desk on Valentine’s Day.But it seemed like he had unknowingly caught the eye of somebody. Someone who loved to send him many flowers and beautifully written letters.If only now he could figure out the mystery of who was behind it all.*Written for the HYBB Valentine's Exchange 2021
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 47
Kudos: 199
Collections: Hell Yeah Bottom Bucky





	Cape Jasmine (I Love You In Secret)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Call Me Kayyyyy (Cheeky9274)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheeky9274/gifts).



> This is right on the last day, but I finally did it! 
> 
> I hope you like it! Also happy belated birthday! I hoped I would maybe finish it that day, but alas that didn't happen. But it's only a few days late, so you get a Valentine's fic and a birthday present all in one! I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it. <3
> 
> I also have such a long list of people I'm so grateful for, who all of this wouldn't have happened without.  
> I'm so grateful for all of the support from the Shrunkyclunks Bitches TM, all of the sprints who helped me focus on writing this, all of the squealing about snippets and especially all of the help with the awesome title (the final ideas were from Ash and Ann, but so many other beautiful suggestions were there <3) I love all of you guys, and am so thankful for joining your little server! <3
> 
> Special thanks also goes out to my two wonderful Betas Lee and Ash. You guys did a wonderful job and I'm so thankful you helped me out. Also the first letter Bucky received was all Ashes magic, so kudos goes out to him! <3
> 
> And then the wonderful little pebble dready, who was so so incredible and made this beautiful banner for my little fic <3 It's so beautiful, I shall cherish it forever! Also, happy belated birthday! I didn't manage to post it on your birthday as I'd promised, but you can still consider this a little birthday present for you as well! <3
> 
> And at last, a huge thank you to Robin for managing the whole exchange, and doing the lords work by ensuring the world is filled with more bottom Bucky. You're the best <3

Cape Jasmine

(I Love You In Secret)

When Bucky woke up on February 14th, he wasn’t expecting much in terms of romantic gestures. Single and not even sure when his last date had been, he had finally given up after the last disastrous guy, so Valentine’s Day hadn’t been something he had particularly looked forward to. It wasn’t like he hated it, but being bombarded with so many ads and reminders of his single and absent dating life, it became grating, bordering on down right obnoxious at times.

So due to the severe lack of datable guys he might have expected a present from, he was very surprised when after greeting his coworkers on his way to his office to have opened the door and found a giant flower bouquet staring back at him from his desk.

Bucky just stood there for a few long seconds staring at them, utterly confused by their presence. It was beautiful, there was no doubt about it, but they couldn’t have possibly been for him. Whoever left them here must have mistaken his office for someone else’s.

After standing in the door for a few more seconds he heard the door to Natasha’s office opposite of his open.

“Oh, good morning. Why are you standing there?”

He looked over to her and silently moved out of the way so she was able to see into his office. After catching sight of the flowers, her eyebrows shot up and a smirk curled around her lips.

“My, my, someone seems to have gotten lucky. Who is it from, lover boy? Have you forgotten to tell me about a hot date you had?”

Swiveling his eyes back to the bouquet, Bucky stuttered, “Uh, no, I actually have no idea who this could be from. I honestly think this was a mix-up. It was probably supposed to go to someone else.”

“Hmm, could be. Is there a note?”

He looked back at her with wide eyes. “A note?”

Rolling her eyes and quickly strutting past him into the office, Natasha began to comb through the flowers. “Yes, a note. You know, what they usually send along with romantic gestures like this?”

Bucky still hadn’t moved from his place by the door, not really knowing what he was supposed to do. He’d honestly not been expecting anything like this to happen to him today - it was baffling. If there had been even the slightest chance of him receiving something like this he wouldn’t have been so dumbfounded, but this came out of the blue and he needed a moment to compose himself

“Aha! There it is.” Natasha pulled out a sleek white card with little hearts dotted all over it out of the stems and held it victoriously in her hands. This finally seemed to wake him up out of his trance, he quickly crossed the space to stand next to her.

“What does it say?”

Handing the card over, her lips curled in a smirk again, she replied, “I don’t know, it’s yours. So go on, open it.”

He stared at the card in his hands, and then unfolded it to read what it said on there:

**_Dear Bucky_ **

**_if asked to pick a flower that reminded me of you, cape jasmine would be the first and most lovely. In particular, those found in Vietnam, and now within your office. I hope you find them as stunning every time you look at them, just as I feel when I see you._ **

**_Happy Valentine’s Day_ **

**_Love,_ **

**_Your Secret Admirer_ **

Leaning over his shoulder to read along, Natasha hummed and let out a chuckle.

“Well, it’s definitely for you then. Seems like you’ve got a secret admirer around here, lover boy.”

Eyes wide and his face most likely looking like a tomato by the heat he can feel rushing under his skin, Bucky looked pleadingly at her like she could give him the answers to all the questions burning in him.

“But who?”

“Oh, I have my theories about that, but what do I know. Guess you have to find that out yourself,” she smirked and with a pat on his arms moved to go back to her own office.

He stared after her, lost in his own confusion, when he saw Steve passing by his door and almost colliding with Nat.

“Good morning, Natasha,” he greeted her with a smile. A dreamy smile Bucky wished would never leave his lips. Cutting such a handsome and dominating figure in his tailored suit, with his gorgeous, soft-looking beard decorating his beautiful face, Steve was undoubtedly the sexiest guy Bucky had ever seen in his twenty-six very gay years.

Unfortunately, or luckily, depending on how you looked at it, he was also his boss. Thus, he was very much off-limits to him. Not that Bucky was even playing in the same league as Steve to begin with.

And the worst part? He didn’t only look like a total dreamboat, he had a dashing personality to match, always smiling at Bucky and his other employees. Steve was best boss he had so far in his, albeit short, working life. He was understanding and patient, always ready to listen to what his team had to say and he even brought self-made baked goodies for special events.

It was a goddamn tragedy Bucky could never try to ask for a date, even with the almost guaranteed rejection he would be faced with. He loved his job, loved working with Steve and his best friend and all the other people in their team.

Steve probably wouldn’t fire him, but the mortification and utter humiliation would just be too much. Bucky wouldn’t survive that.

While Bucky was lost in his thoughts. Still trying to think of who would have sent him such gigantic, pretty flowers, Steve's eyes flicked from Natasha into his office. Maybe it was wishful thinking , but his smile seemed to brighten when they landed on him. Then they were drawn to Bucky’s right, to the flowers standing on the desk beside him. While his smile didn’t diminish, his eyebrows furrowed, making him look slightly confused.

“Hey Bucky, good morning.” He took a step into the room and nodded towards Bucky’s desk. “I see you got a Valentine’s gift. You know the lucky guy who sent you those?”

See, how was Bucky supposed to get him out of his head when he called his potential admirer _lucky._ This was just unfair all around.

“Uhm, no, I didn’t expect anything like this today, to be honest. Actually, I have no clue who they are from,” he stuttered, still flushed and overwhelmed.

Steve hummed and gave him another heartbreaking smile.

“Well, when you find out, I hope it works out for you.”

Blushing even more, Bucky nodded and stuttered out a quiet “thank you,” and with one last smile sent his way, Steve left his office.

Deflating like an old balloon, Bucky slid his hands over his face and gave a long sigh. It wasn’t even 9 am, and this day had already been a rollercoaster of emotions.

*

Predictably, Bucky had a hard time concentrating on work all day, distracted by speculations of who it could have been. Was there someone whose signs of infatuation he had completely missed? But he wasn’t that clueless - usually, he had a pretty good idea of if someone was flirting with him. __Was__ he clueless? He didn’t know anymore.

It couldn’t be that difficult to figure out who it was, right? There weren’t a huge amount of people working here, and since he wasn’t shy about letting people know about his sexuality there was probably little chance one of his female coworkers had left them. Which already takes half of the employees out of the equation.

Bucky nibbled on the end of his pen, staring at his screen without seeing anything, and began to go through his mental list of all the men working with him.

Half of them were married, so they were unlikely suspects. Which only left about six possible and likely options.

Deciding he was going to think this through properly, he took his notes and started to make a list:

  * °Peter Parker (way too young, please no)
  * °Peter Quill (too straight)
  * °Matt Murdock (possible)
  * °Clint Barton (in love with Nat)
  * °Thor? (relationship status currently vague according to Darcy)



After hesitating for a moment, chewing his lips while he debated whether or not to include him, Bucky decided to add him as well.

  * °Steve Rogers (I wish)



Bucky looked over the list and let out a big sigh. This kind of helped, but he could also be totally wrong about all of this. It had to be someone working in this building; no one else had access to it. And since Steve is usually the first one in the building, he would have told Bucky if he had signed the delivery for him.

The thought he had been trying to repress all day started to creep back into his head, whispering to him that maybe it _had_ been Steve who had left the flowers for him. It would make sense. He was the first in the building in the morning, and there was little chance of anybody seeing him. And he was always smiling at Bucky with his soft eyes. Could it really be…?

 _No, what the hell!_ Shaking his head Bucky tried to pull himself back together. It did not make one ounce of sense; Steve was his boss, way out of his league, and certainly not interested in some disaster like Bucky. He was nice to him, that was true, but he was nice to all of his employees - that’s just who Steve was as a person.

There was not one real indication Steve was interested in him romantically. Bucky had to stop being ridiculous, otherwise, he would get nowhere with finding out who actually left him the flowers.

Elbows on his desk, Bucky left his head fall into his head and pulled on his hair. He let out all of his frustrations in a long groan. Who else could it be?

*

Over the course of the next few days, Bucky wasn’t getting any closer to figuring out the man behind the romantic gesture. Everyone acted normal, no one suddenly seeking his company out more than before or trying to flirt with him.

It was distracting and Bucky was getting desperate to solve the mystery.

It didn’t help that after Valentine’s Day his secret admirer didn’t just leave it at flowers. Now there was some kind of gift waiting for him on his desk every morning - little notes with sweet compliments, a box of his favourite chocolate (however they figured that out), even more flowers and so on.

It was sweet and left Bucky an absolute blushy mess every morning he came into the office.

Now if only his admirer would actually tell him who they were.

*

The knocking on his door frame pulled Bucky out of his in-depth thoughts about the numbers that were just not adding up, no matter how much he twisted and calculated them. Looking up quickly, surprised at the noise, he was Steve standing at his door, looking like his usual dreamboat self and smiling at him.

“Hey Bucky, how is it going?”

“Oh, uh, the numbers are being tricky today, and I just can’t seem to find the error. But otherwise I’m fine.”

“Well, it’s lunch hour now, so I think the numbers can wait a bit. I’m sure with some food in your stomach and a little break you’ll find the problem. How about some lunch at _The Blanca_?”

Going out to lunch with Steve sounded very nice, how could Bucky say no to _that_?

“Sounds good, just give me a second to get ready.” Bucky smiled at him, and got a beaming smile from Steve in return.

“Great, I’ll wait downstairs for you.”

Just as Steve was leaving, Bucky saw that Natasha’s door had been open, and judging by the look on her face she had heard the conversation.

Shooting him an expected look he did not know what he was supposed to do with, he threw a confused “what?” her way.

Nat stood up and came to his door, speaking quietly enough nobody could overhear her, even though most people had already left for their break.

“So, you and the boss getting lunch together, huh?”

Feeling his cheeks getting warm again, Bucky answered defensively, “Yeah, what about it?”

“Oh, nothing. I’m sure all of his employee’s get regular lunch hours with their boss, nothing extraordinary about that.”

Bucky frowned at her. “What are you trying to say, Nat? It’s Steve, you know how he is. He doesn’t treat us like we’re beneath him, so why is it weird if we eat lunch together?”

“Well,” she smirked, “for starters, he usually eats alone in his office because he is a workaholic who doesn’t know when to quit. But what I think is really _interesting_ is that he is specifically getting lunch with _you_.”

Still not quite understanding where she was getting at, Bucky stared at her, lost.

Sighing and rolling her eyes, like she was disappointed in his lack of mind-reading abilities, she emphasized, “ _Alone.”_

Suddenly understanding what she was implying, Bucky’s cheeks grew even hotter as he began to chuckle nervously.

“Oh, Nat, no. You can’t mean that Steve-,” he trailed off, interrupted by the sheer intensity of her eyes boring into his.

Raising her eyebrows pointedly, she said, “That’s exactly what I mean. The guy has heart eyes every time he is even near you. You should see him on your days off or when you’re sick, he gets all pouty then.”

Shaking his head in denial, Bucky couldn’t believe what she was telling him.

“No, no you must be imagining things. There’s no way Steve is... I mean, he probably sees me as a good employee, that’s all.”

Natasha hummed at his answer judgmentally.

“Well, I’m just telling it how I see it. You should get going, Steve’s waiting for you.”

Great, now that Nat had planted that seed in his head, how was he supposed to act normal at his lunch with Steve? It was one thing to have his wishful imagination letting him hope that it was indeed Steve who was leaving him all these gifts, but to have another person giving actual voice to it, speaking it out into the world? It was too much for Bucky.

When he came down to the front door he saw Steve waiting there and when he caught sight of Bucky his previously worried expression morphed into his beautiful beaming smile.

“You ready?” Steve asked, _and then he held the door open for Bucky_.

Oh, for fuck’s sake. Nodding shyly, Bucky brushed past him, hoping the cold east coast air would cool his cheeks down before Steve could see them.

This was going to be a hell of a lunch.

*

They were sitting in the back of some very nice upscale restaurant and were looking over the menus. Bucky was trying to decide what exactly on here he could actually afford. Not that he wasn’t getting a more than fair paycheck, but he wasn’t exactly earning the big money doing the accounting.

Biting his lips, debating between some overpriced salad or some overpriced bread, he was interrupted by Steve.

“Have you decided, yet? Personally, I would recommend the filet mignon, they are always delicious.”

When he looked up, Steve was looking at him with gentle expectant eyes. Ducking his head down he quickly scanned the menu and seeing the price tag for it, his eyes widened.

“Oh, uhm, I think I’ll just have some salad. And water, probably.”

“But you won’t be full after just that, will you?”

Avoiding his eyes, Bucky mumbled quietly, “Oh, it’s fine. I’m not that hungry.”

It was silent for a moment, and when he looked back up again Steve was looking at him with a frown on his face.

Then his face lit up with realisation.

“Bucky, you don’t have to hold back on my account. Please get whatever you want, it’s fine.”

Oh, no. Steve thought he was shy about eating in his company.

“It’s, uhh, not that. I just don’t think these meals are really in my budget,” he chuckled, a little embarrassed.

“Oh. Oh! No, Bucky, don’t worry about that. I actually thought it was implied, but apparently I wasn’t clear enough. I’m inviting you. So please, get whatever you want, it’s my treat.”

Bucky looked at him, eyes widened in surprise, and felt his cheeks heat up. But Steve just smiled at him like it was no big deal, like he just invited his employees to some overpriced lunch every day.

“Oh, uhm, thank you, Steve. That’s very nice of you.”

“Well, it’s my pleasure. Now pick out what you want, but as I said, the filet mignon is my personal recommendation. And I think you will love them too.” Steve gave him a cheeky grin, seeming to feel very satisfied.

Lips curving into a flustered smile almost against his will, Bucky tried to hide by looking back down at the menu, even when he was already sure what he was getting.

After the server came and took their orders, it was only quiet for a moment before Steve started their conversation back up.

“So, Bucky. Since I know you have such a sweet tooth, what is your favourite bakery around here?”

“My favourite bakery?” Bucky chuckled, a little baffled at the question.

“Yes. Or coffee shop. But don’t say Starbucks, I’ll be plenty disappointed.”

Although his tone was teasing, his expression seemed earnest, as if he really wanted to know Bucky’s answer.

“Hey, Starbucks has some great pastries! Don’t throw them under the rug,” Bucky chuckled, almost just saying that just to see if it would get Steve riled up.

“Wow, okay, I didn’t take you for one of the hipsters but okay. Gotta admit I kinda expected you to be a homemade pastries kinda guy.” Steve grinned at him, his tone teasing but light-hearted.

“Nah, I’m kidding. You actually have that right, there is some family-owned coffee shop just down the street that makes the best coffee in Brooklyn. Believe me, I think I’ve tried them all.”

Steve let out a chuckle, and the deep timbres of his voice sent pleasant shivers down Bucky’s spine.

“Well, you should show me where it is. I would love to assess that statement myself.”

“Hmm, well if you want to be convinced, I could bring you one tomorrow?”, Bucky asked shyly. “So you can taste it for yourself.”

With a warm glint in his eyes, almost looking like mirth, Steve smiled at him. “Oh, I would love to have a taste.”

Before he could even really comprehend what Steve had just said, and get his mind off the way it sounded to his ears, Bucky was feeling the familiar heat burning under his cheeks again. How he would love it for Steve to have a taste of _him_.

He cleared his throat and hoped his voice wouldn’t shake.

“Any- any flavour you prefer?”

“Hmm, I’ll just take what you’re usually having. For proper assessment,” he grinned at him.

Bucky took a sip of his water, suddenly feeling very thirsty, when thankfully the server returned with their order.

The rest of their lunch continued on and even though he tried his hardest to tune out the voice telling him this looked more like a date he couldn’t help but think their teasing back and forth sounded almost like _flirting._ The voice sounded suspiciously like Natasha

But that was absurd.

When the check came Steve didn’t even look at the bill before slipping his credit card in it and handing it back, and _fuck_ if that didn’t make him feel hot. Bucky may have had too many sugar daddy fantasies, but nobody could deny it was unbelievably sexy when a man paid his bill without even blinking.

And when he told the server to add a 25% tip, he was ready to drop right then and there. Oh, how Bucky loved a generous man. Could he get anymore perfect?

When they got to the door to the restaurant, Steve even opened it for him like a perfect gentleman, and then put his hand on his back, gently guiding him through it.

A visible shiver ran through it, and there was no way Steve couldn’t have felt it.

Bucky was about to die.

The whole way back to the office, chatting merrily beside Bucky about the snow and about how much he loves it, _Steve left his hand there._

*

When Bucky came into his office he was floating on air. He didn’t know what all of that was about, realising distantly Steve was probably just trying out a new team-building strategy, but he just felt so fucking good right now.

Having Steve so focused on just him, genuinely seeming to be interested in what he had to say, it was the best feeling. And then his big, warm hand on his back ...

Bucky was so fucking gone on him.

“Had fun?”

Startled out of his thoughts, Bucky jumped when he suddenly heard Natasha’s voice and when he swirled around she was standing in the doorway that he was pretty sure was empty three seconds ago.

“God, Nat, you startled me!”

Humming, she shot him a cocky smirk. “Only because you’re so easily distracted. So how did it go, lover boy?”

Blushing, but not able to hold back the smile growing on his lips, he said, “It was nice. Like, really nice. Very fancy, and the food was delicious.”

“Hmm, and?”

“What?”

Rolling her eyes, she huffed annoyed. “What did you talk about? Did he confess he sent you the flowers?”

“What? No! Nat, this was just lunch. And Steve didn’t send me those.”

“You don’t know that,” she pointed out.

No, he didn’t, and if he was honest, after their lunch he was much less sure in his conviction.

He couldn’t have imagined all the flirting, could he? The smiles, the lingering touches, the teasing.

He wanted so badly to be proven wrong, to have proof that it really was Steve who sent him those lovely flowers and that romantic letter. And it seemed more and more like it actually had been him.

*

The rest of the day Bucky tried very hard to concentrate on his work but his head wasn’t really in it. The smile on his lips didn’t leave all day no matter how much he tried, which wasn’t very hard to begin with, and he felt like he was floating through the day, his head and heart in the clouds.

When he was once again in the kitchen refilling his fourth cup of coffee of the day, deep in reminiscing the feel of Steve’s hands on his back, he didn't even notice when someone else joined him there.

“Oh, hey there Bucky.”

He startled, surprised at hearing someone speak so close to him, and spilled his freshly brewed and hot coffee all over his hand and jeans.

“Oh shit!”

“Oh fuck, careful, here let me-,” Matt rushed to get some paper towels and soaked them in cold water before handing them to Bucky.

Matt shot him an apologetic smile while he tried to salvage his clothes, even if it was hopeless.

“I’m sorry for startling you, I thought you heard me come in.”

“No, it’s not your fault. I was distracted and didn’t pay attention. Fuck, this hurts,” Bucky mumbled embarrassed.

“You should hold your hand under cold water, that will help with the burning. And you should probably put some cream on it. Wait, I think-,” Matt crossed the room to the other end of the kitchen, where their first aid kit was stored. Bucky put his hand under the stream of cold water while Matt was rumbling through it. After a few seconds, he came back over with a tub and some bandages and gently took Bucky’s hand and put some cream on it.

“Here, this will help your hand heal.”

Bucky hissed when the cream came into contact with his tender skin.

“I know, just give it a second. But it’s better to put it on than to just leave it,” he mumbled quietly while he wrapped his hand up with some bandages to keep the cream from smearing.

Bucky gave him a smile when he looked back up from his hand.

“Thanks, Matt.”

Giving him a big smile in return, Matt gently stroked over Bucky’s freshly wrapped hand. “You’re welcome. Just give me a shout the next time you burn yourself, I’m happy to help.”

Cheeks heating up, Bucky chuckled quietly. And when he looked up again, Matt was looking at him with an amused smile, his eyes glinting fondly at him.

‘Huh?’, he thought. Was he just imagining it again or was Matt...

But then Matt’s eyes were wandering from his eyes to his hair, and raised his hand to gently run a strand through his fingers.

“You have really nice hair, anyone ever told you that?” Matt mumbled quietly, his voice a little rough, while his thumb gently stroked over the strand.

Bucky stood there frozen, not knowing how to react to the sudden closeness.

Before he had any chance to, Matt’s eyes wandered back to his and he let Bucky’s hair fall back into place. He took a step back, his smile still in place, before he said, “See you around, Bucky,” and left again.

Still standing there motionless for a few more seconds, not knowing what to make of the strange scene that had just unfolded, Bucky let out a sigh and combed his hand through his hair.

Was he flirting with him? Or was Bucky just seeing things suddenly everywhere because of his Valentine’s surprise? But it had to be someone in the office, and Matt had definitely seemed interested. Had he always been like that or was this something new?

Was he trying to test out Bucky’s reaction by becoming bolder in his advances?

Bucky shook his head, confused and bewildered by the turn of this day.

He cleaned up the rest of the mess in the kitchen and went back to his office, coffeeless this time.

Trying to concentrate on his work was truly useless this time, his thoughts occupied with examining every interaction he had with both Matt and Steve he had had the last few weeks, hoping to find a hint to solve the puzzle of who was his secret admirer.

*

The next day on the way to work, Bucky took his usual detour to his favourite coffee shop, ordering two instead of just one of his daily sweet vanilla latte, and then grabbed some of the delicious-looking sweets on display as well.

Arriving at his desk, he quickly threw his stuff there before he made his way to Steve’s door with the second coffee in hand.

On his way he caught Natasha sitting by her desk, her door wide open, and promptly got flustered again when she threw him a knowing look.

He knocked on Steve’s door and opened it after hearing him saying “come in”, hands nervously clutching at the cup.

Steve looked up from his laptop and his face seemed to light up at the sight of him. Or maybe Bucky was just projecting his own joy at seeing him.

“Bucky, good morning!”

“Good morning Steve,” he stuttered. “Here, I just wanted to drop this off, as promised.”

He awkwardly held the coffee up.

Steve’s eyebrows lifted up in surprise, before his face morphed into a huge grin.

“Thank you Bucky, that's very sweet of you. I’m excited to see if you were right with your proclamation,” he said while Bucky handed it over to him.

Bucky stood there, frozen in anticipation, while Steve threw his head back and took a huge sip. His eyes were closed and Bucky took the moment to just soak up his handsome features without worrying about looking like a blushing school girl.

After a second that felt simultaneously like an eternity and no time at all had passed, Steve opened his eyes again and his tongue shot out to lick away the cream residue around his red lips, drawing Bucky’s gaze straight to it. Oh, how Bucky wanted it to be his own tongue licking it away, craving to taste how sweet it would taste and feeling Steve’s beard biting against his skin.

When the lips stretched back into a wide smirk, Bucky looked up to Steve’s eyes staring right into his. He felt caught, there was no way he didn’t see him staring at his mouth, and he felt the familiar heat biting his cheeks again. At this point, the blush seemed to be permanently painted onto his face anyway.

And as if Bucky wasn’t already flustered enough, Steve then had the audacity to _wink at him._

He may have stopped breathing at that point.

“Not bad.”

Staring at him, not comprehending what Steve meant, Bucky remained motionless.

“What?” he squeaked out belatedly

“The coffee. Very sweet, just like I thought. Though I prefer my coffee a little more,” he paused, swirling the cup around. Bucky felt like a taut bowstring, hanging onto every word coming out of Steve’s mouth. His eyes were still boring into his. “Intense.”

God, was he trying to kill Bucky? It felt like his brain had given up all higher functions and had melted into a gooey puddle.

They held each other's eyes for what felt like an eternity, and Bucky was sure he looked like a complete idiot just standing there, staring with wide eyes and a red face at Steve, not being able to get a peep out.

Steve on the other hand looked unaffected sitting relaxed in his big leather chair, leaning back. Fuck, Bucky wanted to sit on his lap and feel his strong thighs under him, feel his arms caging him against his hard body.

God, he needed to get out of here before he embarrassed himself. Well, embarrassed himself even more.

“I- uh- I should get going. To do lots- I mean- the numbers are waiting for me,” he stammered out.

Humming, Steve looked him over and gave him another smile. “Alright. I’ll see you at lunch later then.”

“Lunch?”

“Yes, I’m going to order us something. Does Thai sound good to you?”

“Yes?” he squeaked out again, not comprehending what was happening.

“Great! See you later then. And thanks for the coffee again, you’re a doll.”

Bucky’s brain seemed to have blacked out, and he may or may not have made a sound like a dying whale, he didn’t know anymore. On the way back to his desk he was in trance. Steve had called him _doll._

_Doll!_

What was Bucky’s life even anymore? This couldn’t be happening. He had probably cracked his head on the sidewalk this morning and was in a coma, dreaming all of this up.

He came back into his office and sat down, looking at the mess he had left in his hurry to bring Steve the coffee.

It was when he lifted his coat from where he had hastily thrown it that he saw the letter lying there.

**_Dear Bucky,_ **

**_Yesterday I was once again blown away by how beautiful and adorable you looked._ **

**_Your hair looked as lovely as ever, and my hand was itching to see how soft it would be._ **

**_And you were so flustered while we were talking, your cheeks cute little round rubies. And while the melody of your voice is something my ears could never tire of, I had to hold myself to not silence you by seeing how sweet the taste of your lips would be on mine._ **

**_I hope to have a repeat of our meeting soon._ **

**_Love,_ **

**_Your Secret Admirer_ **

He read through the letter a few times, his cheeks flushing such a deep shade of red it must look like he was about to fall over. After the third read-through he dropped the letter and let his head fall into his hands, squeaking and whining into them.

His heart felt like it was about to burst, it was pumping so fast. He felt giddy and floaty with all the emotions coursing through him. And to think that maybe it really was Steve who had left this letter here- Bucky just couldn’t. He was fucking dying inside.

Peeking through his parted fingers back down to the letter, he felt his smile stretching wider and wider. It wasn’t even half-past nine and the day had already been too much for his poor emotions to handle.

And later he was spending his lunch break with Steve again. The tiny hope his heart had been steadily nurturing began to bloom and grow bigger, and against all reason, Bucky started thinking that he had a real shot with him. Especially if he was sending him such cheesy but still heart-melting letters.

With his smile still stuck on his face, Bucky picked the letter back up and read through it again. Though this time his brain got stuck on one particular line.

The one where the writer mentioned his hair.

He remembered the day before. His coffee accident encounter with Matt. How he’d paid special attention to Bucky’s hair. How he’d told him it was pretty.

The smile slipped from his face and was replaced by a frown.

Going through his lunch date with Steve the day before, Bucky tried to recall if he had mentioned his hair at one point, or even just had paid special attention to it.

He dug his teeth into his lips, thinking hard about it, but he couldn’t pinpoint a moment that stood out to him in that regard.

Matt, on the other hand…

With a sinking heart, his giddiness at the new love letter dwindled down into an aching disappointment. So it wasn’t Steve who had sent him the flowers, or any of the other niceties he had gotten over the last week.

It had been Matt.

*

By the time lunch came around, Bucky was even more lost on what to make of Steve’s sudden increased interest in spending time with him. If he wasn’t his secret admirer- and now that it was so obvious he felt even more ridiculous for thinking it in the first place- what could possibly be his reasoning?

Maybe he really wanted to just start spending time with his employees to strengthen workplace bonds, and it was just dumb luck Bucky had been the first one chosen.

Or maybe- god he felt ridiculous for still holding on to a glimmer of hope- but could it be Steve was interested in him nonetheless, even if he wasn’t the one who had sent him the gifts?

Or had the flirtation and teasing really just been his foolish heart wrongly interpreting signals?

He didn’t know what to think.

And if it had been Matt - how did he deal with that? He was a nice guy, sure, and attractive as well but… his heart was still very set on Steve. Even if it was a hopeless endeavour.

Fuck, this was too much for Bucky. He let his head fall into his hands and let out a frustrated groan.

He looked at the clock and saw that it was almost time for his lunch break. That he was spending with Steve.

Taking a deep breath, Bucky shut his computer down and made his way to Steve’s office. Of course, right as he opened his own door he almost crashed into Nat.

“Hey, I was just about to knock. Me and some others are going down to the cafe, you wanna join us?”

“Oh, uhm,” he stuttered, looking over to Steve’s door, “I actually already have plans for lunch.”

Nat, as perceptive as she was, noticed the direction of his gaze, and a knowing smirk curled around her lips.

“Well, you have fun with the boss then, lover boy,” she winked, and then was on her way towards the others.

When Bucky knocked on Steve’s door he felt his hands sweating. He didn’t even know why he was so nervous, it was just lunch. Nothing was going to happen, whether Steve was actually interested in him or not, they were still at work. He wouldn’t try something then, so Bucky needed to get himself together.

After hearing Steve call out a ‘come in’, he hesitantly opened the door, heart in his throat.

Steve sat behind his desk, looking so big and imposing it made Bucky lose his mind a little bit each time. When Steve looked up and saw him standing in the doorway, his lips stretched into the familiar soft smile he so often gave Bucky, and it made him feel all fuzzy and warm inside

“Hey, there you are. I already ordered our lunch ten minutes ago, so it shouldn’t be long now. Go on and sit, I’ll get us some drinks.”

Bucky sat down on the stool opposite Steve and wrung his hands. Noticing how sweaty they were, he made a disgusted face before inconspicuously wiping them on his jeans.

Shortly after Steve came back and handed him a glass of water.

“Here you go.”

Bucky gave a quiet “thanks” and tried to quench his parched throat by taking a huge sip of water.

God, he did not have his shit together at all.

Why the hell was he so nervous now?

The idea of Steve actually being interested in him was getting to him and now he was unable to function like a normal human being.

He jumped at the sound of the buzzer ringing, the noise suddenly seeming louder than it usually did.

“Oh, there they are. Stay right here, I’ll be right back up,” Steve smiled warmly at him before hurrying to the front door.

It thankfully didn’t take long and Steve was back with their lunch in his hand.

He handed Bucky his container. “I hope you like chicken.”

“Yeah that’s fine, thanks,” he replied shyly. They both settled in to eat and it was quiet for a little while.

Even though the silence wasn’t necessarily awkward, he was itching for something to fill it, but he wasn’t sure how to start.

He wanted those blue eyes back on him, filled with mirth and teasing glints while they both go back and forth with easy conversation. Looking into them and wondering if he was imagining the interest lurking in the depth of them.

And Steve also seemed a little more subdued this afternoon. He definitely wasn’t as flirty as he had been that morning, even if he was still smiling -dare he say- fondly at him. Or maybe it was just Bucky wanting it to be that way so badly he was seeing things.

“So Bucky, tell me, someone as smart and good with numbers as you, why didn’t you study something more ambitious than economics? Not to play down on the field, but you don’t seem to be the type to think of the newest strategy to get people to buy your stuff. You seem to be more into the numbers themselves than what they represent, so why economics?”

Thinking about Steve’s question, perplexed by how perceptive of him he seemed to be to figure that out, Bucky needed a second to gather his thoughts.

“Oh, well, I figured it was the safe choice, lots of job options after I finished my degree. And, I thought I was much more likely to get really good grades, whereas with other directions I was interested in the possibility I would fail was much greater, so I wanted to make sure I did something I was guaranteed to pass. Uhm, I guess that's why.”

Even though Bucky wasn’t ashamed of taking this path, he felt tiny and embarrassed under Steve’s intense gaze. Especially considering he was his boss and had very successfully built his own company from the ground up, unafraid of any risks.

Steve looked at him silently for a few seconds, slowly chewing some noodles.

“Yeah, I definitely see where you’re coming from. Good jobs are hard to come by in this day and age. It makes me so mad to think about it, so many talented people not having the means to pursue what they want or so desperate to have a stable job they sacrifice their more ambitious goals. All just because they don’t come from the right family with money. This fucking system. I don’t fault anyone for opting for the safe option, even if it makes me sad to see it.”

Not quite expecting this reaction, Bucky was at a loss for words. Though he was relieved to hear that Steve didn’t think he was lame or a failure for going this way. Still, he craved to impress him, and wanted to see his eyes light up with surprise and approval.

“Tell me, Bucky. If we lived in a world where you had all the options available without worrying about anything else, which major would you have chosen?” he asked, and Bucky could see true interest shining in his eyes.

Bucky didn’t even have to think for a second.

“Engineering. I always loved working on machines, figuring out how everything works and seeing if I can make it even better. Dreamed of one day maybe inventing something that could help people.”

Bucky blushed at admitting the naive dreams he’d had when he was about to start college. Reality had very quickly taught him it wouldn’t be that easy to realise them.

Engineering was a competitive field, full of bright and smart young minds. Afraid of not being able to keep up and throwing out all of his college money his parents had worked hard to save up, he had decided to take the safer route.

“That sounds awesome. I can’t imagine you wouldn’t have been amazing at it. Maybe,” Steve hesitated, “well, I mean, if you ever decide you want to go back to college and get a degree in it, I would be happy to offer you a part-time job. I’m sure we could work something out that works for both of us.”

Speechless, Bucky didn’t know what to say. He was offering him a way to go back to college? That was so … generous. What the hell.

Steve ran his hand through his hair and chuckled softly.

“Well, the offer stands. But enough about school and work. How do you like your food?”

“It’s great, I don’t think I ever had Thai this good.” Bucky replies honestly. “Where is this from?”

“Oh, it's from a restaurant near my place. You’ve seriously never been there? It’s the best Thai I tried from around here, and I’ve tried it all. They also deliver quickly which is great when I’m so focused on work I forget lunchtime and need something quick and easy. Actually, I used to get take out from there with my mom when I was a kid every Friday evening.”

“Oh, have you always lived in Brooklyn?”

Chuckling, Steve answered, “Born and bred, never really left it most of my life. Went to college in Chicago, but came back here right after. It’s just home, you know?”

Fond smile stretching across his own lips, Bucky nods.

“Yeah, it is. Honestly, I can’t imagine living anywhere else anymore. I actually grew up in Indiana and moved here for college, but I quickly fell in love with the city and now I don’t wanna live anywhere else.”

Steve looked at him with a tender expression, eyes shining warmly.

“I’m glad you feel that way, Bucky. Don’t want you running off to somewhere else, not when we basically just found you.”

Blushing, Bucky ducked his head, feeling very shy at the earnestness in Steve’s expression. He wasn’t sure if it was just his own crush rearing its head and making Bucky hear things again, but it didn’t sound like Steve was only talking about him being a valuable member of the team.

He really hoped his intuition wasn’t wrong and Steve actually was interested in more.

Could Bucky really be that lucky, to catch the eye of such a hot, successful but nonetheless kind guy? It would be hitting the fucking jackpot, dating the man of his dreams.

But if Bucky wasn’t totally wrong in reading the signs, it seems like he might be in luck.

*

The rest of their lunch they spent talking, Bucky’s cheeks often filled with familiar heat, practically melting at all the attention he was being paid by Steve. They shared more personal stories, laughing at embarrassing ones, quickly discovering they shared very similar humour.

Walking out of Steve’s office, long after their actual lunch break usually lasted, he was on cloud nine, and he wasn’t getting off of it any time soon.

In the following days, Steve asked him to join him for lunch almost every day if there wasn’t any meeting or client he had to attend to.

Bucky had a hard time not reading into it.

Especially since the flowers and letters didn’t stop coming.

He was fucking floating with giddiness and butterflies every morning he saw a new slip of paper lying on his desk. Most weren’t even that long, just little compliments like “I love your smile, it brightens my morning every time I see it” or “Hearing you talk to me about anything makes me smile, I love listening to your voice and hope I'll hear it for the rest of my life.”

It was too much, Bucky couldn’t handle it. No matter how often he got these little love notes, he melted into a puddle of goo every time, giggling and blushing like a schoolgirl.

Gosh, he hoped they never stopped coming.

And, the longer this went on, the more often Steve decided to spend his lunch break with him, the more he started to doubt his presumption that it had to be Matt who was his secret admirer, as it looked more and more like it was Steve after all.

It couldn’t be a coincidence. It had to be Steve.

Bucky really hoped it was Steve.

He also really hoped Steve might ask him for a real date soon.

*

Bucky was once again fighting with the numbers, trying to bring them in an order that made sense. It was only half an hour until lunch break, and he was sitting at his desk in anticipation, nervously waiting if Steve was inviting him again today. So far he hadn’t spoken to him, not having seen his boss the whole morning.

Raising his mug to his lips, sunken in his own thoughts, he belatedly realized it was empty again. Sighing, he decided he probably needed a short break to use his legs anyway, and stood up to make his way to the kitchen.

Just as he was stepping out the door, lost in his own thoughts and not paying attention, Bucky crashed into someone. He almost fell over, but thankfully a strong hand grabbed his arm and kept him from sprawling inelegantly to the floor.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry. I’m so clumsy, didn’t see you-”

He looked up as he rambled on to see Steve looking down at him, his expression warm.

Chuckling deeply, Steve replied, “No worry, I gotcha there. Someone’s gotta keep you from falling, right? No harm done.”

Embarrassed about making a spectacle of himself again, Bucky’s face was sure to be red as a tomato. What was it with him and constantly tripping near attractive guys? He needed to get himself under control.

Steve’s hands were warm on his body, even through the layers of clothes Bucky was wearing, and he never wanted them off of him again. Gently stroking across his arm, Steve pulled away after making sure he was no longer in danger of falling down. His appraising gaze, undoubtedly just checking him over to make sure he was okay, felt like molten lava across Bucky’s skin.

“But you really should be more careful, Buck. At least when I’m not around to catch you when you fall,” Steve smirked at him.

Blushing, Bucky could only gawk at him, not knowing how to respond to that.

“Uhh, yeah, I will. I gotta am- I was about to refill my coffee, uhh-”

“Oh, I’ll let you get back to it then. But no more tripping, alright? We still need you in one piece.”

Bucky watched with wide eyes as Steve patted him gently on his shoulder, and after shooting him one last smile turned down to go back to his office.

As he turned to go into the kitchen, still a little dazed by the encounter, he spied Darcy at the coffee machine, giving him the biggest grin imaginable while pointedly raising her eyebrows at him. Okay, he wasn’t subtle at all, he knew that already. He just hoped she wouldn’t make any lewd comments while Steve was still in hearing range, lest he was embarrassed even more.

Opening her mouth, no doubt to spew some filthy commentary about his disastrousness, she didn’t get a chance to before a loud, female voice with a British accent could be heard from down the hallway.

“Steve!”

Turning around to the open door, Bucky caught a glimpse of a brunette, gorgeous woman walking down the hall towards Steve’s office, heels clicking fast and loud on the wooden floor.

“Peggy, hey. I’m glad you could make it,” he could hear Steve reply, his voice being carried down to the kitchen.

“Of course. Sorry, I know I’m a bit early, but I left early so I wouldn’t risk being late. You don’t know how much I do not miss New York traffic, let me tell you.”

Bucky could hear Steve’s rumbly laugh in response, and his stomach dropped at the rough sound. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a good feeling this time, in stark contrast to how warm it made him feel when he was laughing in response to something he had said to Steve.

“Oh, don’t I know it Pegs. But don’t worry, I was just about to go on my lunch break anyway. Come, why don’t we head to my office so we can catch up.”

“Oh, well, I’m glad. Anyway, darling, tell me how you’ve been. Is still New York treating you good? And I sincerely hope you don’t stress yourself about your work too much, I know how you can get…” he heard Peggy say, voices getting quieter as they walked down the hallway, until they eventually vanished behind Steve’s office door with a click.

Bucky stood still in the kitchen, paralyzed, trying to make sense of what just happened. The way the woman, Peggy, spoke to Steve hinted that maybe she wasn’t just a client he’d never seen before. They sounded close.

Could it be... but he had thought Steve was single.

And why had he never seen her around before if she was his girlfriend?

“Oh, Bucky, you should close your mouth before a fly falls in.”

Distantly hearing her, Bucky looked back at her, his mind whirling.

“Do you know who that was?”

Raising her eyebrows, Darcy gestured, “Oh, beautiful British lady over there? Yeah, that’s Steve's ex-wife. Divorced a year ago, a few months before you started working here. I think she actually went to go work in England again? Could be wrong, though, as she seems to be back in here again.”

Static noises started to fill Bucky’s head.

Steve had an ex-wife?

And she looked like _that_?

Mumbling a quiet “I should get back to work”, he made his way back to his office as if in trance.

Bucky had been an absolute fucking fool. How did he ever think he stood a fucking chance with Steve? _Steve,_ who was a total dreamboat and way out of his league. But for some reason, he had convinced himself someone like that could actually be interested in him. _Would send him love letters. How fucking ridiculous._

He had read all of this so wrong. Of course it wasn’t Steve. As if someone like him would ever look twice at someone like Bucky when he could have literally anyone, when Bucky could never even dream to compare to someone like Peggy.

God, he felt so stupid and embarrassed. Going around thinking Steve was his secret admirer, as if they were in fucking high school. As if Steve would actually do that and not just go after what he wanted instead of being so secretive. Steve was a confident man, and the more Bucky thought about it the more he was convinced Steve would make it known if he were into him like that.

It had been just team bonding exercises after all. Probably because Bucky had been the newest member of the team still, and he wanted to make him feel more welcome here or something. It didn’t fucking matter, anyway.

For whatever reason Steve and Peggy had separated, it seemed like they were able to overcome their differences. If Darcy was right and she was back in New York, possible for good now, it was probably only a matter of time before they reconciled their marriage. The way they both had acted with each other, being so familiar and trusted with the other and their habits, it spoke of unresolved feelings between them.

Fuck, did Bucky feel small right now. Thinking he ever had a chance with Steve, while he had probably been pining after his ex-wife and had just tried to be nice to his new employee. He most definitely didn’t want to be lusted over by said employee.

Staring at his screen, the numbers blurring together, there was no chance he was going to get any productive work done before lunch. It was almost time for it anyway.

Well, at least now Bucky had an answer. He was definitely not spending his lunch break with Steve again today. Seemed like he was back to joining Natasha and the others in the diner across the street, as Steve was most certainly busy.

Sighing, Bucky let his head fall into his hands and let out a shaky breath, his heart twisting painfully in his chest.

It had been a nice fantasy while it lasted, but it seemed like it was time to wake up again and come back down to reality. He had been stuck in the clouds for too long, and now his heart had to pay the price for it.

*

Natasha quickly caught on to his miserable mood, and without a doubt noticed his unexpected presence at their group today. Thankfully she didn’t say anything, though he was sure it wouldn’t stay that way for long. But she seemed to feel it wasn’t the right time, so she chatted away with the others and here and there tried to include him in their topics, even if Bucky was sure to be a miserable companion right now.

He just couldn’t get the picture of Steve and Peggy out of his mind, sitting in Steve’s office, laughing and joking with each other like he and Steve had so often done in the past few weeks. Heated gazes meeting, leading to some hot make-out session while nobody was in the office.

At this point Bucky was just making himself suffer, but he couldn’t stop himself. He just couldn’t get over how presumptuous it had been of him, thinking his older, attractive boss would be interested in him.

After they came back Bucky went straight to his office, not lingering around to be caught in one of these conversations about his _feelings_ by Nat.

He just wanted to sit in his office and wallow alone with his bruised heart.

At least it seemed like everybody got the memo, as he was left alone for the rest of the day. He didn’t see Steve even once in the remaining afternoon.

Bucky tried not to think about it too much.

*

The next few days the atmosphere at work was … tense.

Bucky tried hard to not let his sad mood show, but he was probably not doing a very good job of it. Nat definitely picked up on it. So far she just threw him stares that seemed to pierce right into his brain, but otherwise didn’t try to confront him about it.

And Steve … well Steve seemed to grow more and more disappointed with each time Bucky denied his question if they would have lunch together that day again, but his perception and interpretation of how he acted towards him didn’t have a record of being accurate. So Bucky ignored the growing ache in his heart each time he saw Steve’s puppy eyes when he rejected his request, knowing it would just hurt himself more in the long run.

Maybe he should start trying to figure out who his real secret admirer was, now it was clear it wasn’t Steve. But at the same time, he had lost the thrill of seeing the presents lying on his desk each morning, even if they hadn’t stopped coming.

Even if they were still very beautiful and romantic, knowing they weren’t from Steve had made them lose their appeal.

Fuck, he sounded so whiny. Bucky received heartfelt love declarations about his eyes or hair or whatever every day, and he was complaining because they weren’t from the guy he wanted them to be from. He needed to get fucking over it.

At least there still was someone who thought all these things about him, even if it wasn’t someone he had originally set his eyes on. But whoever wrote them to him certainly deserved for Bucky to give him a fair chance. Maybe they could actually be a good match.

He just needed a little more time to mourn his lost hope of Steve returning his feelings.

*

Next Thursday, he was working again, trying hard to concentrate on the numbers. He was definitely not thinking about Steve Rogers and how he’d stopped asking Bucky to join him at his lunch break the last few days. He wasn’t.

Rationally, he knew it was probably also due to his own steady declination the times before that, but still.

If he really wanted to spend time with Bucky he wouldn’t give up so easily, would he?

Interrupted from his thoughts, which were _not_ about Steve, by someone knocking on his door frame, Bucky was startled by the unexpected noise.

“Hey Bucky- oh, what’s got you so keyed up? The numbers are giving you trouble?”

He looked up at Matt, seeing him smiling down at him.

“Oh, uh, Hi Matt. Yeah, must have made a typo somewhere, very annoying. What can I do for you?”

His eyes flickered to the papers in Matt’s hands when he stepped closer to him.

“I have some bills from last month for you, so I’m sorry for dropping them off so late. I also got an email saying one bill from December hasn’t been paid yet, so I wanted to make sure you got that last month? Sorry it had been so hectic, it might have slipped my mind but I couldn’t find it anywhere?”

While listening Bucky took the papers Matt was holding out and placed them on his to-do staple. Then they tried to figure out together what had gone wrong while Bucky was looking through the system.

When it was quiet for a moment, only the sound of their breathing and the clicking of Bucky’s mouse filling the room, he was so focused on finding the problem he didn’t even notice Matt standing up.

“Oh, these are beautiful. These from your boyfriend?”

Bucky looked up at Matt, who was standing by his window where he had placed the last flowers he had a few days ago so they wouldn’t be in danger of Bucky accidentally knocking them over.

Carefully stroking over the flowers, Matt gave him an almost knowing smirk, like he knew they weren’t from Bucky’s boyfriend. His non-existing one.

He was sharply reminded of that afternoon when Matt had bandaged up his hand, and how flirty he had been with Bucky.

In all the midst of his swooning about Steve and hoping he was his secret admirer, he had almost all but forgotten about the incident and the implying letter about his hair that had appeared on his desk the next morning.

Maybe he hadn’t been that far off in his guess, now that he knew Steve was out of the equation.

Suddenly flustered again, Bucky answered, “Uhm, no, they were just there a few days ago. I don’t know who they’re from.”

Matt just hummed at his answer, the smirk still curling around his lips.

“Oh, uhm, I also don’t have one. Boyfriend, I mean.”

At this he looked back at Bucky, his eyes staring right into his as his smirk seemed to grow even wider.

“Well, that’s good to know.”

Eyes wide and cheeks growing hot, Bucky didn’t know how he was supposed to answer that. Was it really Matt who sent him the flowers? Who was interested in him?

“So, how’s the search going, you’ve found anything yet?”

Trying to get himself, and especially his cheeks back under control, he focused back on the reason Matt was here in the first place. The question of whether or not Matt really was his secret admirer had to wait.

*

The next day, when he came into his office in the morning there were some fresh luscious flowers sitting on his desk.

**_I hope these will brighten your day, like your smile brightens mine._ **

At lunch, when they all went down to the diner again, Matt’s eyes seldom strayed from him, an almost daring glint shining in them and a smirk permanently painted onto his lips.

Steve hadn’t invited him to lunch today, either.

*

A week after Matt had appeared in his office, Bucky's suspicions seemed to harden more and more. He was constantly near Bucky, sat next to him on lunch break and seemed to search for the flimsiest excuse to visit his office.

He was pretty sure it was Matt who was his secret admirer. He just didn’t know what he wanted to do about it.

Matt was a really nice guy, and all the gestures were really romantic and made him feel all fluttery, but-

That was it: but.

He wasn’t Steve.

Bucky was attracted to older guys, who were confident in themselves and knew what they wanted in life. Who could give him stability, make him feel safe and taken care of. Not that guys his age were never like that, though Bucky’s experience begged to differ. He just didn’t want to be played or date around, wondering if the other guy was dating other people on the side. The uncertainty of it all. He just finally wanted to have someone he could build something with, someone who was on the same page as he was.

But maybe Matt could still be all that. If he was writing him all these wonderful things, he had to be serious, right?

The least he could do was give the guy a chance. Maybe he was the one, after all, and he would make him forget all about his dumb crush on Steve.

And then the day came Matt asked him out.

“Hey Bucky, stay back with me for a minute?”

Matt had caught his arm in his hand, gently holding him back from the door to the office building.

Stepping back, he looked up at him.

“Sure, what’s up?”

Matt shuffled on his feet and gave him a nervous smile. _Oh,_ Bucky thought. Seemed like he was ready to make his move.

“So, I was thinking, we both get along really good, right? And I think you’re all cute and stuff, and you have really nice hair, and, I have the impression you like me, too? So, uh, anyway, what do you say to dinner on Friday? I can pick you up. If you want.”

It was quite adorable how flustered he got asking him, even if Bucky wasn’t really into Matt. But he wanted to give him a chance, at least see if there actually was something between them, and Matt seemed to really like him and went through so much trouble for him - it was only fair.

“Oh, yeah, sure. That sounds nice, I would love to,” he smiled at him, trying to ease his nervousness.

Visibly relieved, Matt brightened up, his confidence apparently back in full after Bucky hadn’t rejected him.

“Great! Just, send me your address and I’ll pick you up. Eight sounds good to you?”

Nodding, Bucky smiled shyly.

They went back to their desks, Matt sending him one last big grin before they parted ways. Bucky felt… off.

He was excited about their date, he was, but he also couldn’t seem to keep his mind from straying to Steve, still.

But he had to forget him. Well, at least romantically. Though it was hard when Bucky saw him every day, even if they didn’t spend their breaks together anymore.

He wished Steve would still ask him, but he seemed to have lost interest in spending time with him for good. He still smiled at him in the hallways and talked to him if they met in the kitchen, but he seemed content with just that.

It was time to finally move on.

*

On Friday, Bucky was nervous. A new letter had popped up this morning, long and very romantic, and knowing it was from Matt, who he had a date with later, just convinced him even more that he had made the right choice in giving him a chance.

Bucky just really hoped it was going to go well.

Still, he was afraid of embarrassing himself. Though he was also excited, ready to be wined and dined, even if it wasn’t with the person he wanted most.

A date was still something to look forward to.

His jittery energy was, of course, not left unnoticed. Especially when he accidentally dumped all of the coffee beans on the floor.

Which was the exact moment Steved decided to join him in the kitchen.

“Oh, hey, careful. Here, let me help.”

Looking up at him, flustered and embarrassed at his mishap, Bucky saw Steve smiling easily at him and bending down to help him clean up.

“Sorry, I got it. I just, uh, don’t know where my head is today.”

Steve grinned at him cheekily. “Well, that seems to be a regular occurrence with you.”

Cheeks growing even redder, Bucky ducked his head down, concentrating on the mess he had made.

“What can I say, I just attract disasters, apparently. Better keep your distance, or I’ll pull you down with me.”

Steve let out a rumbly laugh. “Nah, I don’t think I will. I like having you around too much, so I guess I’ll take that risk.”

Where the hell did that come from? Very flustered, Bucky didn’t know how to respond.

Still grinning at him, Steve stood up and went to throw away the beans he had cleaned up.

“Well, I guess on Friday everyone is allowed to be a bit distracted. You got any exciting plans?”

Still distracted by what Steve had said, he blurted, “Oh, I’m having dinner with Matt this evening. But otherwise not much.”

Did Steve mean that he likes Bucky as his employee? He had to, right? He was just glad to have him on his team, and probably liked him platonically, as someone he liked to have around at work. He most likely didn’t mean to imply anything else, Bucky just needed to get himself together and not overinterpret everything Steve said to him.

Forcing himself out of his mental spiralling, Bucky looked up to see the smile Steve had previously been wearing wiped off his face. Instead, he was frowning down at him, his eyes having lost all lightness in them.

Oh shit, did he say something stupid? Accidentally spoke out loud?

“So you and Matt, huh? I didn’t know you were such good friends.” Steve’s voice was neutral, void of any detectable emotion.

A bit confused by what had suddenly turned his mood around when he had just been joking with him, Bucky felt more than a little wrong-footed.

“We’re, uh, not really? I mean we’ve been getting lunch together quite often but otherwise we haven’t met outside of work. But he asked me, so yeah,” Bucky mumbled, feeling pinned down by how intensely Steve was staring at him. Though his voice had lost all emotion, behind his eyes there seemed to be a storm brewing, but Bucky didn’t know how to interpret it.

“So it’s a date,” he said, his jaw twitching. Almost like he was clenching it hard. He didn’t say it like it was a question, instead making it sound like a statement.

“Oh, uhm, yes?” Bucky squeaked, his mind going to inappropriate places, imagining that deep voice rumbling into his ear while Steve pinned him down, telling him all the filthy things he wanted to do to him. God, Bucky was such a mess.

Time seemed to go on forever while he was caught in Steve’s gaze, his eyes not letting him go. The tension between them was thick, and he stood there, waiting for one of them to break it first.

Steve let out a breath as he finally strayed his eyes away, and to Bucky it almost sounded like a growl, but that couldn’t be right. He didn’t know what he had said that made Steve so tense all of the sudden, but he didn’t like it at all. Trying to quickly think of something that could lighten his mood again, Bucky grabbed for the first thing that came to his mind.

“Oh, uhm, and you?” he stuttered.

Steve turned back to him and a bolt of electricity shot up his back at being pinned under his stare again.

“What?”

“Uhm, I mean- do you have any plans this weekend?” he squeaked, feeling very much out of the loop by Steve’s whole demeanour. He had never been so cold to him before, had always been so warm and seemingly fond, and Bucky didn’t even know what he did wrong, but he wanted to be good again, desperate for Steve’s approval. _Desperate to please him._

Bucky may also be more turned on by Steve’s stern voice than he was ready to admit.

“No. Guess I’m too old for partying like you youngies, so it’s just going to me,” he didn’t turn to look at Bucky, instead staring at the coffee machine he had started while talking, “probably going to start a new book, but I don’t wanna bore you with it.”

Helpless to do anything but stare at Steve’s back, very muscular, hot back (Bucky wanted to climb him like a monkey, but now wasn’t the fucking time), Bucky was taken back by the bitterness in his voice. Even though he was trying to lighten up the mood all he seemed to be doing was making it worse.

“Oh, well, I’m sure it’s an interesting book,” panicking and desperately trying to find common ground again, he was quickly starting to ramble, “I really enjoy getting lost in a book for a whole weekend, it can be so relaxing to get lost in another world. What are you going to read anyway? If you need some recommendations I can-”

“Sorry, but I still have a lot of work to do before clocking out tonight, so excuse me,” and without looking back at him Steve grabbed his freshly filled cup and turned to leave. “If you really have something good to recommend just send them to me per email.”

And then he was already gone, leaving a very dumbfounded Bucky behind.

*

Sitting in a diner, though it was nicely decorated and the food was pretty okay, listening to Matt talk about sports non-stop, constantly zooming out and thinking back to the tense conversation he had with Steve earlier that day, was not at all how Bucky had imagined his date with Matt was going to go.

When he had heard his doorbell ringing an hour earlier, Bucky had been excited for their date. He may also have been very much looking forward to some fresh flowers, thinking someone who wrote such romantic and sappy letters and gifted him flowers every other day would go all out when finally on a proper date, but he had to try hard to keep his disappointment off his face when Matt had turned up empty-handed.

Did it matter that much anyway, when he had already given him so much? How much more proof would Bucky need anyway, for Matt to show he was serious? He was just being too greedy.

But then he saw where Matt intended to have their dinner, and Bucky thought at first it was some kind of joke when they stopped in front of “Diddy’s diner”. Granted, it was a pretty nice diner, but nonetheless, Bucky had expected something a little bit more sophisticated.

Though Bucky tried to listen to what Matt was saying, sports were really not his thing and so his thoughts began to wander. Precisely back to the afternoon when Steve had taken him to that beautiful expensive restaurant and that had just been lunch break. He wondered what kind of fine establishment Steve would take him to on a date when that was his understanding of an appropriate place for lunch.

And that led to his thoughts straying back to Steve’s weird mood earlier that day. He wondered what had happened to make him so tense. Maybe it had something to do with his ex-wife. Since that first time she had been in the office Bucky hadn’t seen her again, though that could also be because he was the first one out the door when lunch break rolled around. But maybe she wasn’t coming back to New York and that's why Steve was in a sour mood? But he usually didn’t take it out on his employees, at least not that Bucky had ever noticed. Maybe it had been something he had done then, though he couldn’t figure out what it was.

Snapped out of his thoughts by their food arriving, Bucky tried to reel them in again and concentrate on the date he was on. Even if it wasn’t going how he had expected, Matt still deserved a fair chance. Who needed expensive restaurants anyway when he had someone who wrote him letters as romantic as the ones Matt left for him.

“So,” Bucky started, trying to get back into the swing of things, “do you have any pets? I always wanted to get a cat, but unfortunately, my landlord has a no-pet-policy.”

“Oh, no, I don’t have any. Though I like dogs I just don’t have the time for it, you know? And I actually can’t stand cats, they’re just so moody and scratchy, I just don’t wanna deal with it.”

Bucky felt the smile on his lips grow stiff while Matt spoke, very appalled by what he thought about his favourite little furry friends.

“But they only scratch you if you upset them. You gotta earn their trust first and learn their language, and then they are the best cuddle buddies you can wish for!”

Grinning, Matt dismissed him with a hand wave. “Nah, they’re just assholes. I’ve never met a cat I liked. Besides, I prefer my bed companions to be more hairless and sexier.”

Bucky bit back his reply, though it was a close thing, and instead gave a tight smile. This was not turning out like he had hoped at all.

Instead, over the course of the next hour, Bucky realised how much they did not fit together. They had barely any common interests, and while Matt wasn’t mean about it or anything like that, the date became more and more awkward. Though he wasn’t sure Matt even noticed, happily filling most of the silence as Bucky grew quieter, not knowing what to talk about anymore.

And then there were Matt’s very peculiar pick-up lines and advances. It’s not like Bucky to be prude, but this was also their first date and he didn’t necessarily want to put out when they were still just getting to know each other. He just wasn’t thrilled with the constant sexual innuendos, especially considering how the date is actually going.

He had just expected a little more romance after all the previous gifts he had received. But maybe Matt was already sure he had him ensnared, and thought his courting had been subtle enough he needed to amp it up. Whatever the reason, Bucky struggled how to articulate a soft but firm rejection when Matt brought him back to his apartment.

At least he had the courtesy to pay the bill and bring him back home.

“So, Bucky, I thought this date was lovely. You’ve caught my eye for quite a while, and I’m glad I got more time with you alone tonight. I would love to see you again next week, if you want?” Matt asked, smiling down at him while he leaned against the wall of the building.

Struggling with how to gently let him down without ruining their work relationship forever, Bucky stammered, “Oh, uh, well actually-”

“Shh, don’t be nervous, sweetheart.” Matt actually shushed him by putting his finger against his lips. Bucky was so shocked he could only stare at him with wide eyes.

And then Matt began to lean in, his intention to kiss him clear. When he felt the first touch of his lips he pulled back and ducked his head, not being able to look at Matt.

“Uhm, listen, Matt - you’re a nice guy and everything, but I-I don’t think we really match? And I really appreciate all the flowers and letters, but I don’t think…,” Bucky trailed off when he chanced a glance at Matt’s face and saw confusion instead of disappointment.

“I’m sorry? What letters and flowers are you talking about?”

Floundering, Bucky squeaked out, “Uhh, the ones at work? The letters you’ve been leaving me for a month?”

Matt frowned. “I never sent you any of them, sorry. I don’t know anything about that.”

Bucky was lost. Did Matt just say that now because he was rejecting him? Or was it really not him?

“Look, I get it, you’re not interested. Thought it was worth a try, but I’m not mad or anything, alright? And I really don’t know anything about those flowers and letters, so you might wanna guess again. I still had a nice evening with you.” Matt gave him a small smile and squeezed his arm. “Take care, Bucky. I’ll see you on Monday. Have a good night.”

While Bucky was watching Matt leave, he was so confused at his revelation. If his secret admirer wasn’t Matt, then who the hell was?

*

On Monday morning, he was no closer to solving the mystery than he had been on Friday night. And to Bucky’s disappointment, there was no letter nor flowers nor anything else waiting for him, which just added to his confusion even more.

Matt said it hadn’t been him, but why did it stop now Bucky had rejected him? In the last weeks there had not a day gone by without him receiving some kind of gift, but what kind of coincidence must this be if it really hadn’t been Matt?

He tried to push it back to his mind and concentrate on the work he had to do, but the question kept creeping up on him. Frustrated with himself, he pulled his list of suspects back out of the drawer he had shoved it in. Maybe it was someone he had deemed unlikely then? But he barely had anything to do with most of the others, except for the occasional small talk in the office. Were they just too shy to approach him? But there must be some other kind of indication if one of them was attracted to him, something he would have noticed.

Or maybe Bucky was so oblivious it could be the janitor for all he knew.

Frustrated, he let himself fall back into his chair and let out a big sigh.

“What’s got you all tensed up? I know it’s Monday but you’re usually more chipper than this.”

He turned his head to see Natasha leaning against his door frame, giving him a cheeky smile. She looked way too put together for a Monday morning.

Shrugging, Bucky didn’t know how to answer her question, not really in the mood to explain everything.

“So, how did your date with Matt go?” she asked, voice carefully neutral.

He wondered for a second how she knew, before he decided he probably wasn’t going to get an answer out of her anyway.

“It was … kind of awful to be honest. We don’t really fit together, and I think we don’t really have the same goals or interests at all. So, well it’s whatever. He also told me he wasn’t the one who sent me the letters and gifts, so I don’t even know anymore,” he sighed. And if he was pouting a little nobody had to know it.

“Wait, you thought Matt was your secret admirer?” she frowned at him.

“Well, yes? It seemed obvious with how he kept flirting with me, so when he asked me on a date it seemed fair to give him a chance.”

Snorting, Nat responded, “Well, I could have told you it isn’t him if you had bothered to ask me. As if you really thought he was that romantic. Guy still acts like he’s a college frat boy most of the time. That’s fine of course, if you’re into that. Which I know you’re definitely not. I can’t believe you really thought he was your secret admirer, I mean, come on Bucky.”

He flushed with embarrassment and indignation. “Well, if you’re so smart and all-knowing, you must have it all figured out who it actually is, huh?”

“I mean, yeah, I think it’s fairly obvious,” she grinned at him.

Waiting for a few seconds before Bucky realized he wasn’t getting an answer, he huffed in annoyance. “Are you going to tell me or what?”

“Now, where would be the fun in that,” she winked at him.

God, she was so annoying. Why did he put up with her?

Apparently Natasha heard something from down the hallway and turned to look, only to turn back to him a second later with another smug smile on her lips.

“I better go back to work, so I’ll leave you to it. And stop pouting, save it for someone who it might actually work on.”

She turned away and walked back to her own office, closing her usually open door behind her. Before Bucky could wonder why she’d closed it, he promptly got his answer when Steve appeared in his doorway.

He looked so handsome again, with his thick but nicely groomed beard, his baby blue eyes and sharp suit, even if his face was drawn tight and his eyes looked exhausted. Which was kind of unusual, considering Steve had said on Friday he was having a quiet weekend.

“Morning, Bucky. Here, I have a few things I need you to look over as soon as possible, the numbers don’t seem to be quite right.”

Bucky felt as wrong-footed as he did on Friday with their last conversation. It wasn’t like Steve to just give him an order like that in the morning - he usually preferred to start the day with a little small talk before cutting to the assignment.

It seemed as though the thing that was bothering Steve was really taking a toll on him.

“Oh, okay, I can do it right away. What’s the problem?”

Steve came over to explain it to him, and Bucky caught a whiff of his expensive smelling cologne, making him a little dizzy. Which, definitely wasn’t the time for right now.

After he was done showing it to him, Steve stood in awkward silence for a moment, running his hand through his hair. It was weird, there had never been any awkwardness between them before, and Bucky felt like it was his fault and he didn’t even know what had caused it.

“So, how was your weekend? You had a nice date with Matt?” His voice was quiet as he spoke and Bucky couldn’t read him.

Flushing, he felt a bolt of excitement shoot through him, even if he thought it was a little weird Steve was interested in his weekend when he still seemed so distant and stiff with him.

“Oh, uh, it was fine, I guess. Wasn’t really what I hoped it would be, I guess we’re just better off as friends anyway.” Bucky wanted to say more, the part of him that was still holding on to a little hope Steve might be interested in him desperate to tell him he was still very much available, but he didn’t know how much he should be sharing before he just embarrassed himself.

Which, by the look Steve was giving him, he may have already done. Bucky didn’t know what to make of the expression on his face. It seemed shocked, and maybe a little hopeful? Though he wasn’t sure if it wasn’t just his wishful imagination projecting his own feelings onto Steve.

Maybe he had been hoping Steve would be a little jealous, but that was just ridiculous. He had already come to the conclusion Steve wasn’t interested in him, and sure as hell wasn’t the person writing him love letters. He was a confident, handsome guy, he sure as hell would be more direct if he held any romantic affections for Bucky. Not play this game of ‘Guess Who’.

But hope dies last, right? A guy could still dream.

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Seemed like you two got along quite well.”

Eyes boring into his, Bucky forgot for a second he was supposed to reply. But Steve was staring at him so intensely, as if he was searching for something, he almost forgot to breathe.

“Uhh, yeah, I mean, it was more because I thought he was the guy who was sending me all these letters and flowers, but turns out he wasn’t and then everything else didn’t go great either, and I still don’t know who it actually is, so yeah,” he stammered out. God, he wanted to facepalm himself, why the fuck did he say that? He overshared way too much, as if Steve was interested in his fucked up love life. He just wanted to sink into the ground and never resurface.

Smirk curling on his mouth, Steve replied, “Hmm, you got some kind of secret admirer, huh? Sounds romantic.”

Bucky could feel the heat rushing to his cheeks, without a doubt painting them a bright red. Steve suddenly seeming to be back to his slightly teasing self threw him off and left him, as he always did, flustered.

“Heh, yeah, though I would really like to know who it is.”

“You have no guess on who else it could be?”

“No, they haven’t dropped any hints so far, so no clue. Sometimes I can’t help but think someone is playing a joke on me,” he admitted shyly, voicing the fear that’s been plaguing him since Bucky had discovered it hadn’t been Matt.

Steve gave him a soft smile and then laid his hand on his upper arm, gently stroking back and forth. “I’m sure it’s not that, and you’ll soon figure out who it is. Maybe they’re just shy.”

Bucky could do nothing but stare at him with wide eyes, any words getting stuck in his throat at the gentle way Steve was touching him. After a few seconds he suddenly stopped and took his hand off of him. Carding a hand through his hair, Steve seemed a little flushed.

“So, I’ll see you at lunch later? You wanna have Chinese or Thai today?”

A little dazed and also surprised about the lunch offer, Bucky said, “Oh, you chose. I’m fine with both.”

“Great! I’ll get something good for you then,” he smiled at him, his eyes shining fondly.

Bucky could do nothing but smile back at him. They probably looked a little weird, standing and smiling at each other, but he didn’t care. He wanted Steve to never stop looking at him.

But eventually Steve said, “Alright, see you later Bucky.” He shot him one last smile and then left, leaving behind a very dazed and flushed Bucky.

*

The next morning, Bucky came into the office in a very different, much happier mood than the day before. Lunch with Steve had been wonderful, it had been like the last few weeks and weird moods had never happened.

And then on his desk, as innocent as ever, sat a little white envelope.

Butterflies of excitement flying through his belly, Bucky felt like the day couldn’t get any better.

_**Dear Bucky,** _

_**I think it is time for me to reveal myself, and I hope you will give me a chance now I have shown you how deep my affections for you go.** _

_**If you want to know who I am, meet me at Love You A Latte tonight at 7pm.** _

_**I’ll be waiting for you with a red rose.** _

_**Hopefully you won’t be disappointed to discover who I really am.** _

_**Love,** _

_**Your Secret Admirer** _

Oh god, it was happening. He was really going to know who sent him all these wonderful gifts and heartfelt letters.

He tried hard not to freak out but it was difficult. Excited, he quickly went over to Nat’s office to share the news with her.

“Nat. Nat! Look, I got another letter. He wants to meet me. Tonight!.”

Natasha raised an eyebrow. “Well, that was about damn time. I couldn’t take your moping and awful guessing for another week.”

“Naaat, don’t make fun of me. What do I do? What do I wear? God, I’m so nervous,” Bucky whined.

“Okay, first of all, calm down. It will be fine. You will swoon, fall in love, have many babies and so on. This guy is already in love with you so you got nothing to freak out about.”

God, didn’t she understand how nerve-wracking this was? So much could go wrong.

“But what if I don’t like him? I don’t wanna hurt somebody who poured so much of himself into this. Oh god, I should just not go. I can’t handle this-”

He was interrupted by Natasha grabbing him by his arm and shaking him.

“Hey, stop freaking out. You won’t hurt anybody, because you already know the guy, and if you like his letters you’ll most likely like him, too. And if not, well then you don’t. But you really need to calm down Bucky.”

He stared at her with wide eyes for a moment, and then he let out a big breath.

“You’re right. I just didn’t expect this. First the disaster with Matt on Friday, and now my actual secret admirer wants to meet me for real. It’s just a lot, you know?”

Natasha gave him a gentle smile.

“I know, but I promise you it will be fine. I have a hunch you will definitely be into the guy, so you don’t gotta worry, alright? Have a little trust, Bucky.”

God, she was so right. He needed to relax and stop freaking out, otherwise it wouldn’t help anyone, least of all himself. And not for the first time, Bucky got the feeling Natasha knew exactly who was behind all the romantic gestures, but he also knew he wouldn’t get it out of her anyway.

Either way, at seven that evening Bucky would finally discover the identity of the mysterious man who was so besotted with him he went through all the trouble of sending him gifts every day for weeks. Hopefully, Natasha was right and he would just be as enamoured with him as he seemed to be with Bucky.

*

Bucky was on the way to the cafe, and his heart was beating so fast he felt like it was going to jump out of his chest at any moment. God, he was so nervous. But also excited to finally meet his secret admirer. It certainly spoke for him that he had chosen Bucky’s favourite little coffee shop. That had to be a good sign, right?

He desperately hoped it was.

As Bucky walked up to the shop he peeked into the window, trying to get a first glimpse of who was waiting for him there, but unfortunately, he couldn't see anyone he recognized.

With trembling hands, he closed his hand around the handle and opened the door, taking a deep before entering. He looked around, but at this time the place was bustling with people and he couldn’t see anyone sitting alone with a rose. Until-

Eyes growing wide, staring in disbelief, Bucky caught sight of none other than Steve sitting in the farthest corner. By the look of it, Steve had already seen him walk into the place and had been watching him. God, he looked so good, with his soft-looking cardigan and tousled hair, so different from how he presented himself at work, softer and even more inviting. Especially when his lips curved into an even warmer smile than it usually did and he shot Bucky a tiny, almost awkward wave.

Oh, how he was already falling in love with this man.

 _And he was his secret admirer._ Bucky had trouble comprehending the revelation.

Apparently he had been standing and staring for too long, as Steve’s eyebrows began to furrow in concern. Bucky finally started moving, making his way to the man who had stolen his heart not once, but twice.

And, by some miracle he couldn’t even begin to comprehend, he had caught Steve’s in return.

Bucky finally arrived at the table, blushing as his eyes connected with Steve’s again.

“Hey,” he said shyly.

“Hey, Buck,” Steve said, fumbling with the rose he was holding, “This is for you. If you want it.”

Then he was holding the rose out for him.

Cheeks growing even hotter, Bucky took it with a mumbled, “Thank you.”

After another moment of them just staring at each other, Steve cleared his throat and asked him, “So, do you want to sit down? I already got your favourite sugar frap, but if you want to get something else -”

“Oh, you remembered! Thank you,” Bucky replied, just now noticing the two drinks standing on the table.

He finally pulled out the chair and sat down, grabbing the cup so he could have something for his hands to fiddle with. He still couldn’t fully believe it was actually Steve. Maybe all of this was a dream. Maybe he’d been hit by a car and was lying on the street having a near death hallucination. It seemed more possible than Steve being the one who sent him so many gorgeous gifts and romantic letters, opening his heart in them.

And all of it for _him_.

“Of course I remembered. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone have their coffee with so much sugar,” Steve grinned at him.

Bucky smiled. It was quiet for a moment, and Bucky didn’t know what to say. He had so many questions, but his nerves kept him from asking any of them..

“So, uhm,” Steve began, sounding unusually nervous, tapping his fingers against the table. Bucky found it endearing that Steve would be nervous because of _him._ Chuckling, Steve continued, “Are you surprised it’s me?”

Smiling shyly, Bucky looked down at his hand, fiddling with the cardboard sleeve of his coffee cup in an effort to ground himself.

“Well, if I am being honest- I mean, I- I kinda hoped it was you, but I didn’t actually think that could be true. Especially after-,” he frowned, thinking back to the afternoon when Steve’s ex-wife had appeared in the office.

“After what?” Steve prompted gently.

Bucky hesitated for a moment. “After that woman-Peggy?-when she came to visit you in the office, I just-you two seemed close. I thought I was dumb for thinking it could be you,” he admitted, flicking his thumbnail against the plastic rim of the lid in an attempt to ease the tightness in his chest.

When he looked up at Steve after a few drawn out seconds, his expression seemed fond, if a little exasperated. He slowly stretched his arm to take Bucky’s hand in his, his thumb softly stroking over his skin. It filled his belly with butterflies, the gentle point of contact between them shooting electricity down his body.

“Oh Bucky, Peggy was just there to catch up after we hadn’t seen each other in a long while. We’ve been divorced for a few months before you were hired and we mutually agreed on it. We just wanted different things in life. Peggy had gotten a great job chance back in London, so we decided it was the right choice to seperate. I promise there are no lingering feelings on my part, and for sure not by her.” Smiling gently at him, eyes shining, he continued, “In fact, I was happy to stay single for a while, wanted to really focus on the company, when- well, when you joined our team, I was smitten from the start. You were just so sweet and bright eyed, I just couldn’t keep my eyes off you.”

Staring with wide eyes, not quite comprehending what he was hearing, Bucky stared at Steve. His cheeks were surely bright red again. And looking at him, Steve seemed to be faring no better; his cheeks were slightly flushed as well, eyes staring back at him with hope shining in them.

“But- but why didn’t you just say something then? Why all the secrecy, the letters, and why now?” Bucky couldn’t help but question, almost believing what Steve was saying was too good to be true.

Steve averted his eyes, and voice growing quiet, he continued, “I was too afraid it would be too inappropriate to do anything about my attraction to you, being your boss and all. I didn’t want to put any pressure on you, make you feel as if you needed to say yes to me. I’m still unsure if this is really the right choice, but a friend of mine told me to just take my chances and stop being so uptight.” He chuckled lightly.

“So I decided I would do something about it, but I was still too nervous to just straight up ask. I wanted to see if you were interested at all in the first place, so that’s why I tried to spend more time with you in a more casual setting,” Steve smiled at him, his hand still stroking over Bucky’s. Their coffees sat on the table, untouched.

“But I wanted to show you my affection still, so that’s why I sent you all the letters and flowers. Well, and because I thought Valentine’s Day was the perfect time to test out the waters. And even if you didn’t seem interested in me, I still wanted you to have something nice. For you to know someone was out there who wished you were his Valentine,” and now he was properly blushing, Steve’s face turning a deep red. Bucky’s cheeks probably mirrored his, but he was too distracted by what Steve was telling him to notice.

“Very cheesy, I know,” Steve chuckled sheepishly.

Bucky was speechless. He didn’t know what to say to what Steve just told him. It didn’t seem real, like any moment he was about to be jerked awake and pulled from this moment he so desperately wanted. . He almost expected to wake up any moment, to be ripped out of this wonderful bubble where someone like Steve really thought and felt like this about him.

“I- that’s-” he struggled to shape a proper sentence.

Face showing hesitance, Steve continued, “I- Bucky I want you to know you don’t have to feel like you need to do anything you don’t want to. If my advances are unwanted don’t hesitate to tell me to back off. I will do it immediately, and it won’t affect your job at all, I promise. I only want it if you do as well.”

“No!” Bucky blurted out. “I mean, believe me, I want to. And I know you would never force me to do anything I don’t want, I know you’re not that kinda guy,” he mumbled quieter afterwards. “And I’m really glad it’s you, Steve.”

Steve smiled at him and ducked his head.

“I’m really glad you think so, Buck.”

They stared at each other, grinning stupidly. God, Steve looked so soft, Bucky wanted nothing more than to kiss him at that moment. To feel those lips on his and finally know how they taste. Maybe he would soon finally know.

It was precisely that moment his stomach grumbled loudly.

“Oh god,” Bucky mumbled embarrassed while Steve started chuckling.

He had totally forgotten to eat earlier in his nervousness and hadn’t noticed how hungry he was.

After he stopped chuckling, Steve cleared his throat, “So, uhm, if it’s not too forward, you could come with me and I can cook something for us? Only if you want to, of course. I just thought it might be good to continue this where it’s a little more quiet?”

Blushing, butterflies flying around in his stomach again, Bucky nodded.

Steve was going to take him to his home.

Smiling at him, Steve stood up, taking his still untouched coffee, and Bucky did as well. Together they left the coffee shop and Steve led the way to his apartment.

“It’s not that far actually, just a few blocks.”

Bucky nodded again, and yanked his scarf tighter around himself, the evening wind still a bit chilly around this time of the year.

“I didn’t know you actually cooked, I thought a busy man like you wouldn’t have the time,” Bucky mumbled into the wool.

Steve chuckled, “Well, I don’t often have the time, so I just order something or go out sometimes. But for special occasions I can whip up something good.”

Blushing, Bucky smiled bashfully into his scarf, feeling all fluttery at Steve thinking of their-what was it even? Did this count as a date?-as special.

They continued on their way, talking with rosy cheeks and shy, but happy smiles, as their hands kept bumping against each other every few seconds. Steve finally took Bucky’s hand in his after the seventh bump, entwining their fingers together and giving it a squeeze.

His hand was warm in Bucky’s and he never wanted to let go. He was floating on happiness. This was just too good to be true.

Then Steve stopped in front of a gorgeous brownstone and led Bucky up the stairs to the front door.

“So, this is it.” He smiled shyly.

The interior was warm and inviting, just as Bucky had expected. It looked expensive without being flashy, with a variety of paintings on the wall.

It definitely fit Steve, Bucky could recognize him in all the details. It was so nice and classy, in stark difference to Bucky’s own apartment he shared with his roommate which was more of a mix-match of stuff from both of them.

He already felt so comfortable here, in Steve’s cozy apartment, he was sad thinking about having to leave later on.

“Okay, how about you make yourself comfortable at the table and I’ll see what I can fix up for us. Do you want a glass of water first?”

Bucky shook his head, and after Steve took his coat off his shoulders he gently shooed him into the kitchen while he put it away.

While Steve cooked their dinner, already smelling delicious, they continued talking, sharing college stories and joking about the crazy things they did back then, even if it had been a good few years more for Steve than Bucky.

When Steve was finished with cooking and served their plates, Bucky finally felt everything he had been missing with Matt. It just felt right with Steve, the conversation was fun and flowed easily. And even if this was not an expensive restaurant, it was even better, the quiet and cozy atmosphere of Steve’s apartment making the perfect scene for it all, giving them a chance to just be by themselves.

It made Bucky feel special and cared for, like Steve would take anybody he found attractive on a date with expensive food and wine, but not everyone would be invited into his home, served with food he took the care to cook himself.

God, it was going to be very easy to fall into love with him fast. Bucky was pretty sure he was almost there already.

During a lull in their conversation, Bucky took another sip from the delicious wine Steve had selected to go with their dinner. He saw Steve looking at him, his eyes barely leaving his face. With flushed cheeks, only partly from the wine, asked, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

Lips curling into a smirk, he answered, “Don’t fault me for looking, you’re just so goddamn beautiful. I can’t believe I finally get to have a chance with you. I must be the luckiest man in all of New York.”

How the hell was Bucky supposed to respond to _that_? Steve was killing him, saying stuff like that, as if Bucky wasn’t the lucky one to have-for some unfathomable reason- caught the attention of a man like Steve.

“Oh god, shut up, you old charmer. You’re too much,” he giggled, feeling a little tipsy from the wine.

While Steve was smiling indulgently at him, Bucky saw his eyes stray towards the clock hanging on the wall, his smile falling a bit.

“It’s quite late, Buck. As much as I would love for our evening to never end, I think it’s time. I can drive you home, so you don’t have to take the subway, if you want?”

“No,” Bucky whined, his lips turning down into a pout, “I don’t wanna leave yet. It’s not even that late.”

Steve gave him a tender and slightly amused smile, his eyes shining full of warmth.

“You may regret that tomorrow morning, though.”

Giggling, Bucky responded, “Why, are you going to snitch on me to the boss.”

Steve laughed warmly. “So, that’s how it is now, hmm? You think you got me all wrapped around your little finger now,” he teased.

“Maybe,” Bucky said coyly, “Or maybe I’m just hoping to seduce you into letting me stay the night.”

Eyes wide and cheeks blazing, Bucky was a little shocked at how candidly he had just blurted it out. Maybe he had a little more wine than he’d previously thought. Though it was hard to regret his burst of unashamed honesty when it caused Steve to look at him with such dark, hungry eyes. Bucky could see his gaze shoot down to his lips, no doubt a deep red from the way Bucky was biting at them.

Clearing his throat, Steve rasped, “Don’t start things you won’t plan on finishing, sweetheart. I think you’ve had quite a lot of wine, so maybe it’s really best if I take you home now.”

Then he stood up, taking both of their plates with him to the kitchen. Bucky, now determined to take advantage of the glint he had seen in Steve’s eyes, stood up and followed him.

When Steve turned around from the sink where he had placed their dirty dishes, Bucky realised how close they stood, and by the widening of Steve’s eyes he’d noticed too.

Blinking up at him, seeing how big their height difference really was when they were standing so close together made Bucky feel all tingly and hot inside. He wanted to smush himself against Steve’s strong chest. By the look in Steve’s eyes and the way his breathing had gotten heavier, he seemed to be on the same page.

Feeling brave, Bucky raised his hand and placed it flat against the chest he had been longing to touch, and carefully stroked upwards.

The room was tense, time seeming to stand still, both of them were waiting in suspense to see who would take the next step. Bucky wanted it to be Steve, wanted him to initiate whatever came next, wanted Steve to grab him and kiss him senseless.

While his hands continued on their way, Steve grasped his hips, holding them tightly. Bucky’s breath hitched, heart beating fast and body growing hot in desire.

The tension grew thick as Bucky looked away from his hand back to Steve’s eyes and saw how his eyes were completely blacked out with lust. Lips parting, he waited for Steve to make the next move as his hand finally reached his goal of Steve’s neck.

Steve’s eyes flickered back at his lips, and instinctively Bucky’s tongue shot out to lick over them lightly.

Everything happened fast, Steve let out a loud rumble and Bucky finally felt his lips against his. The kiss was fast, Steve’s lips rough and hard against his own; Steve’s large hands tightening down on Bucky’s hips. Bucky let out a soft moan, the sound muffled by Steve’s mouth on his. Steve took the opening to slip his tongue into Bucky’s mouth.

He was overwhelmed, feeling cared for and desired in Steve’s arms, his lips not leaving his for even a moment. Bucky had never felt so hot from just a kiss, a first one nonetheless, and all thoughts other than the feel of Steve’s mouth on his disappeared.

He let out a whimper, Steve growled in response and started to move them both backwards until Bucky’s back hit the wall, Steve pressing him tightly against it.

Bucky let out another moan, loving the feel of Steve against him, craving it, wanting to feel completely at his mercy. Steve pulled back from his lips, only to immediately latch onto his neck, kissing and sucking at it. There were without a doubt going to be marks, but Bucky didn’t mind, in fact wanted Steve to mark him all over, wanting to show everyone he belonged to this man now.

While Steve was busy messing his neck up, Bucky letting out soft moans and whimpers all the while Steve suddenly slid a thigh up against Bucky’s growing dick.

Yelping at the sudden pressure before immediately trying to grind up against it,Steve was still holding him firmly by his hips. He could feel the older man’s lips curving up against his skin.

Sliding up Bucky’s neck until his lips were right by his ear, Steve whispered, “Hmm, someone’s feeling a little wound up, isn’t that right baby?”

Bucky mewled. He felt so hot, his body shaking with hot, fiery need. No man had ever gotten him so aroused so fast. None of them had managed to make him fall apart with some kissing and a few dirty words. It was exhilarating.

But then Steve pulled back completely, and Bucky let out a wounded noise, wanting him as close as possible.

“Shh, sweetheart, let’s talk first, alright? I gotta make sure you really want to go further, cause I would just be as happy to end this evening here and continue sometime else. We don’t have to do anything else if you don’t want to, alright baby?”

Whining, Bucky hugged his neck tighter, trying to pull him closer again, but Steve wouldn’t budge. “But I want to, Steve, please. I don’t wanna stop, want to feel you, wanna be with you.”

“Shh, baby, alright, if it’s what you want I’ll give it to you. How about we take this to the bedroom then, hmm?” Steve whispered against his ear, nose brushing against it and sending shivers down his spine.

“Yes, yes, please,” Bucky begged, breathless.

“Okay, sweetheart.”

He let their lips meet for a short, sweet kiss and then gently led him in the direction of what must be his bedroom, claiming his lips in a passionate kiss on the way. Just as Bucky could feel the beginning of beard burn on his skin, they crashed through the door, letting out another moan at the feeling of Steve’s hands roughly pulling at his clothes. Bucky was ready to give himself over to him completely, letting their passion lead him to what was going to be the best sex of his life.

*

When Bucky felt the first tugs of consciousness he let out a content noise. He felt exhausted, but in a very, _very,_ good way. Last night had been amazing, everything he had hoped and wished for, and he wanted to stay in this bed forever. The mattress was so soft he felt like he was lying on clouds with Steve’s pecs making the best pillow imaginable.

Smiling to himself, eyes still closed and still thinking of last night, Bucky snuggled deeper into his human pillow. Exceptt, he noticed absently how it didn’t feel like how it had felt last night while falling asleep at all. A slight frown tugging at his lips , he sleepily padded around the bed, trying to locate where Steve had gone.

He heard something crinkle under his hands, and frown deepening, he grabbed and tugged it closer. Groggily, he opened his eyes and brought the slip of paper to his face, blinking slowly at it, not comprehending at first what was written on there. He rubbed at his eyes, taking a second to work the sleepy blur out of them, and tried to read it properly.

_**Good morning, my sleeping beauty** _

_**I hope you slept well. I didn’t want to disturb you, you just looked too sweet sleeping in my bed. Last night was wonderful, I hope you felt the same so we may share many more.** _

_**I would love to take you on date this Friday evening, if you’ll allow me the pleasure of pretending I’m a gentleman who courts you properly before he seduces you into his bedroom. Though I’m sure we both agree I wasn’t solely responsible for that ;)** _

_**If you’re looking for me, I’m in the kitchen preparing our breakfast.** _

_**Love,** _

_**Your Steve** _

Happiness filling him from head to toe, Bucky buried his face in the pillows to hide the grin stretching across his lips. Steve Rogers really was perfect, and he was all Bucky’s now.

*

When he and Steve arrived together at the office, both hours late and obviously disheveled with matching grins on their face, Natasha only grinned knowingly into her coffee cup, and mumbled a quiet, “Well, seems like I was right once again.”

**Author's Note:**

> That's a wrap! Maybe I will add a second chapter later on with smut, as I unfortunately didn't have the time to fit it in anymore. So stay tuned for that!
> 
> If you liked this little fic I'm grateful for any comments and kudos <3
> 
> You can find me on tumblr at donbeavers if you wanna come say hi!


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